"The Worst Movie (or musical) Ever."

 As a child, I liked adventure stories.  I read about Harry Potter, Frodo, and Percy Jackson so much that my parents began insisting that I read a “real book” between every “potato-chip novel” I devoured.  As I got a bit older and started reading more classic adventure stories, I learned that the journeys of Odysseus and Harry weren’t really all that different.  Both followed something called the “Hero Cycle.”  This is a plot pattern in which a character leaves their home (or the “known”), journeys into the unknown, learns something, and then returns home, applying their new knowledge to their old life. This relatively simple journey is present in almost every form of fictional literature.  It allows a character to grow and change and gives a feeling of catharsis as the adventure resolves.  A book or a movie with an incomplete Hero Cycle leaves the reader/viewer feeling antsy and unsettled.  In Damn Yankees, for instance, which just so happens to be the worst musical ever, the Hero Cycle is completely disregarded, leaving the viewer looking for a conclusion that will never come.

The worst part of Damn Yankees is that, for the most part, the musical is really enjoyable.  Songs like “Heart” provide upbeat comic relief, while the love between elderly Mr. and Mrs. Boyd is sweet and constant.  Joe Boyd learns from his time as Joe Hardy, and returns to his wife a better man.  All of this makes for pretty good entertainment.  Until Lola is considered.

The second she walked in and started to sing, I knew she was my favorite character.  For those unfamiliar with the plot, Lola is enslaved to the devil, forced to do his bidding and seduce men.  Sort of like Meg in the Disney movie Hercules. She doesn’t really mind, until she meets Joe.  Unable to seduce him, she decides to befriend him and proceeds to help him get out of his deal with the devil.  My favorite song, “Two Lost Souls,” comes when it looks like Joe has failed, and lost his soul to Mr. Applegate (the devil’s human incarnation).  Lola and Joe sing about how, although they’ve both lost everything and are “drifting in a boat without a rudder,” at least they have “each-udder.”  It’s silly and cute, and it’s easy to see how they’ve both grown as characters.

Lola then proceeds to betray Applegate and drug him so that Joe can at least help his team win their last game before he becomes completely subject to Applegate’s will.  She risks everything to do this and Applegate threatens her and then forces her to the stadium to watch Joe’s “demise.”  My point in outlining all of this is to show how Lola grows as a character.  She becomes bigger than the place she filled before.  However, as soon as she is dragged back to the stadium, she disappears.  We never hear about her again.  The only clue is Applegate’s threat that she “will regret what [she’s] done.” While Joe Hardy again becomes Joe Boyd (with Lola’s assistance) and returns to his loving wife, a better man, Lola returns to the devil to serve him for the rest of eternity. 

Damn Yankees is a retelling of the Faust legend.  In the original version, the protagonist, Faust, loses.  When his deal is up, he is dragged down to hell by the devil.  Although depressing, the moral of this story makes sense.  Don’t make deals with the devil.  He’s smarter than you are.  The moral of Damn Yankees, however, is unclear.  Don’t make deals with the devil . . . unless you’re the main character.  Love will beat the devil . . . unless it’s platonic love, then it’s no good.  This discrepancy frustrates me endlessly.  Lola was the best character, but because she wasn’t the main character, she got a raw deal.  Joe made the exact same mistakes, but he got off scot-free, and in the euphoria of his triumph, I’m supposed to forget about the rest of Lola’s miserable existence.  It’s like she existed just for the purpose of Joe’s happy ending. I think that’s tragic.  And it really makes for the worst musical ever.